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dust
10-22-2007, 07:39 PM
i figured i'd introduce myself to you people. my name is darryl and i live in wyoming. my favorite bands are giant drag, kilslug, zapp, george jones, and fu schnickens. i also like elephant 6 and collecting belts. i'm currently finishing up a term with the marines. after that, i hope to work in my father's textile factory. i'm a devout baptist, but i'm fairly progressive in my social views. i have a girlfriend named darla and two beautiful kids named elsa and gonzalo.

i'm looking forward to getting to know you guys better. tell me about yourselves!

pinocchio
10-22-2007, 07:45 PM
anybody with a son named Gonzalo is ok in my book. although, i think this is idrankhemlock. i'm sigmund. i enjoy belgium truffles and mammaries

dust
10-22-2007, 07:47 PM
can't you see the title of the thread? hi my name is darryl. hi sigmund. hi my name is darryl.

sincerely,
darryl

jefferoo
10-22-2007, 07:50 PM
I like the song "Radio People" from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off". I spent a few years compiling the songs into a soundtrack.

lou2ser
10-22-2007, 10:10 PM
I like the song "Radio People" from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off". I spent a few years compiling the songs into a soundtrack.

So strange that it was never officially released.

dust
10-23-2007, 11:15 AM
hi my name is darryl. today i was performing cunnilingus on darla when gonzalo's school called. "hello, is this mr. studebaker?" the principal asked. "hi my name is darryl," i said. "hi darryl," she said. "your son gonzalo vomited all over our shag carpet." i was so mad. i love shag carpet. "is he being expelled?" i asked. "no," she said to my disappointment. "we're sending him home, but when he comes back he has to clean up the vomit with your toothbrush." i said ok and went to get him.

as i was driving, elsa's rabbi called. she goes to jew school. "shalom," he said. "shalom, my name is darryl," i responded. "mazel tov!" he responded, "darryl is a strong gentile name. i am calling about your daughter elsa. today she beat our top student, ariel fagelstein, within inches of her life." "weapon of choice?" i asked. "talmud!" he laughed. we both laughed for a little and i agreed to pick her up and force-feed her challah as a punishment.

on the way to pick them up some asshole cut me off in traffic. i signaled them to pull over on the side of the road. it was a mother with her two kids. "you motherfucking bitch," i yelled and ripped her door off her hinges. she screamed and i laughed.

afterwards, i treated my two little hellraisers to a sandwich, soup, donut meal at tim horton's. it was a good day and my name is still darryl.

quixoticgoat
10-23-2007, 11:20 AM
oh hell, thats genius.

dust
10-23-2007, 01:37 PM
hi my name is darryl. today i went to visit my friend grover. he lives on a farm right outside of omaha, nebraska. when i got there, grover was buttfucking a donkey. this was kind of strange. grover usually only buttfucks his cattle. i asked him why he was buttfucking ol' zedediah (the name of his donkey) and he said he was trying to make a mule. "y'know," he said "a horse fucks a donkey and you get a mule. well knock me down and call me ahab, if i'm able to make a human-donkey hybrid imagine how much money that'd save me!" "you wouldn't have to pay mexicans to work on your farm no more," i admitted. "yeah, and the dang thing'd probably smarter than that lot!" we chuckled for a little bit, and i admitted he had a good idea. we drew pictures of what a human mule might look like for a while. it kept looking like a minotaur. on my way out, grover admitted that he knew he couldn't make a human mule - he has a degree in biology from ribberton tech. "i just like fuckin' donkeys, that's all," he said with a sheepish smile on his face.

when i got home, i butt-fucked darla using the technique grover showed me. you have to exert a lot of control when you're butt-fucking a donkey, 'less you wanna get kicked mighty hard. i fucked darla with so much power i dang near put her ass to sleep.

while she and her ass was sleepin', i slipped out and made myself some nachos using leftovers. it was taco night last tuesday, so i used some of that and poured salsa and velveeta cheese over some cool ranch doritos. it was delicious. i listened to earth wind and fire late into the night while reading iceberg slim. i'm a humble man, but i'm pretty happy with my lot.

dust
10-23-2007, 05:04 PM
hi my name is darryl. today i picked up grover in my bronco and we went into town to get some chitlins. me and grover love them chitlins. to get em we have to go into the black part of town. this ain't no problem cause i fancy myself a man of all colors, but grover gets a little scared by dark complexions. i blindfolded him so he wouldn't be too scared. we realized it was a bad idea when he drove through a mall. i started driving after that.

a toothless old man was selling chitlins out of his front yard. "hi my name is darryl," i said. his name was darryl too. i was scared. as he talked, i felt like i could see his soul as well as my own. i felt a bad omen actin' up in my elbow, so without getting any chitlins, i ran back to the car and drove away.

we went around lookin' for chitlins for a while, but it seemed like they was gone. i asked a young fella in baggy pants what happened to all the chitlins. he wasn't wearin' not shirt and you could see his dang underoos! there was a couple of tattoos of tears on his eyes, made me think he was a real sad fella. he told me that no one like chitlins round those parts no more. he told me he had a product that was "makin' the fiends fiend," and laughed a toothy smile. he said "the block is hot fo' this product, i got a line around the block for it."

he took me back to his home, unlocked a cabinet, and pulled out a bag. it was filled with pickles but they was red and blue. "what happened to them pickles?" i asked. "we soak 'em in kool-aid," he told me. "it's a taste sensation." i was skeptical at first but he gave me a sample and, golly, they was like kissin' god if she was a pickle and kool-aid fan. a strange but appealing tanginess. i bought three dozen.

grover and i just started eatin' them suckers like peanuts, and by the time we was on the highway we'd dang near finished 'em! "GET MORE!" grover yelled with a crazy gleam in his eye, digging his finger-nails into my face. i did a u-turn without lookin' and hightailed it back to the pickle dealer. i bought several barrels.

i swear, these pickles is gonna make me a poor man but at least i'll have a few barrels to wear when i lose it all!

Fwching
10-23-2007, 05:22 PM
fake posterrrrrrrrr

spiritualdishwasher, you wish your name was actually darryl

dwightp
10-23-2007, 05:32 PM
This is brilliant. Daryl, you should have your musings animated as a faux-children's book. They're packed with metaphor.

dust
10-23-2007, 06:01 PM
fake posterrrrrrrrr

spiritualdishwasher, you wish your name was actually darryl

ain't fake, li'l missy. i'm as real as your arms and legs. here's a photograph of me and the family:

http://www.rubesh.info/pictures/theRubes.jpg

more darryl-logues forthcoming, if'n the mood strikes me right.

dust
10-23-2007, 06:50 PM
hi my name is darryl. last night darla was cookin' omelettes. i was gettin' mighty happy, cause i love me some omelettes. to me, its the perfect meal. you got your eggs, you got your meat, you got your vegetables, you got your onions. people say this is a perfect world - we got our water, our food, our lady-friends - an' the omelette is a perfect meal. it's got everything. dang, i could survive on omelettes alone!

i was gettin' all excited 'til i realized she was usin' egg-whites n canadian bacon. "i won't have a traitor in my house!" i yelled. "my name is darryl and i'm a patriot!" i threw the omelette on the ground and gave it to the dog. "only a filthy cur like this could stomach your poison, woman." darla got a real scared look in her eye and for a second i forgot my rage and almost gave into animal transgression. you know, the hanky-panky. i'm a god-fearing man, so i won't get into them fornicative details. but i'm a man, and a man's got his needs for true.

just then gonzalo broke into the national anthem and i remembered my patriotic roots. "you whore," i sneered, gnashing my teeth. i took the still-hot iron and smacked her across the face. unbeknownst to me, there was an american flag on the bottom of the pan. in addition to her bruises and burns, she was branded with the flag. "now make me another!" i yelled. "and recite the amendments while you do it. FASTER!" i love darla, but sometimes she can be a real headache.

theaddingmachine
10-23-2007, 07:15 PM
oh my god i am dying

theaddingmachine
10-23-2007, 07:17 PM
seriously. this guy is the best thing to ever happen to the board, aside from it coming back from the dead

Harnk
10-24-2007, 06:50 AM
My name is Harnk. My birth name is Harnmot Jin Karmuckle. I too collect belts. I have many uncles. I also cast ill will among golf players, for no good reason. Between 76 and 89 all I cared about was KISS.

Harnk
10-24-2007, 06:51 AM
hi my name is darryl. last night darla was cookin' omelettes. i was gettin' mighty happy, cause i love me some omelettes. to me, its the perfect meal. you got your eggs, you got your meat, you got your vegetables, you got your onions. people say this is a perfect world - we got our water, our food, our lady-friends - an' the omelette is a perfect meal. it's got everything. dang, i could survive on omelettes alone!

i was gettin' all excited 'til i realized she was usin' egg-whites n canadian bacon. "i won't have a traitor in my house!" i yelled. "my name is darryl and i'm a patriot!" i threw the omelette on the ground and gave it to the dog. "only a filthy cur like this could stomach your poison, woman." darla got a real scared look in her eye and for a second i forgot my rage and almost gave into animal transgression. you know, the hanky-panky. i'm a god-fearing man, so i won't get into them fornicative details. but i'm a man, and a man's got his needs for true.

just then gonzalo broke into the national anthem and i remembered my patriotic roots. "you whore," i sneered, gnashing my teeth. i took the still-hot iron and smacked her across the face. unbeknownst to me, there was an american flag on the bottom of the pan. in addition to her bruises and burns, she was branded with the flag. "now make me another!" i yelled. "and recite the amendments while you do it. FASTER!" i love darla, but sometimes she can be a real headache.

Oh, and I love you Darryl

pinocchio
10-24-2007, 07:06 AM
last night, this thread was involved in one of my nightmares. now i see harnk is joining and i really think something like an apocalypse is taking place before our eyes. i think i should go.

quixoticgoat
10-24-2007, 07:28 AM
darryl is almost as awesome as harnk. almost.

theaddingmachine
10-24-2007, 08:11 AM
i just...... i just can't stop laughing

Harnk
10-24-2007, 10:01 AM
it was a good day and my name is still darryl.


: )

pinocchio
10-24-2007, 01:36 PM
andrew, shouldn't your other be poppin' one out any day now?

Harnk
10-24-2007, 05:25 PM
Yes, about 9 days to go, baby!

jefferoo
10-24-2007, 10:08 PM
I knew you were daryl from the first mention of cunnilingus.

jefferoo
10-24-2007, 10:11 PM
By the way, Aqualad, cunnilingus is oral sex, when performed on a female.

starman
10-26-2007, 04:35 AM
Please, another Darryl-logue. I am suffering from immense withdrawal at the laughter and would greatly appreciate another chapter in the life of Darryl. They should cancel My Name is Earl and give Darryl the spot. Let's all petition NBC, I'm sure it can work.

My name is George.