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View Full Version : an out of place relationship question because i'd like to ask semi-strangers



thekingisdead
09-01-2007, 09:06 PM
I apologize in advance for posting this. I really just want to put it all somewhere. probably no one will take the time to read it.


There is a simple question at the bottom if you care to say anything but would rather not read.


My girlfriend and I have had a long, strange, and, at many times painful relationship. Bear in mind, this girl is the only girl I've ever kissed, had sex with, etc. while she has gotten around before, during and after the relationship. We began dating at about 15 years old. We dated for over a year, during which I forgave her for kissing some guy, no big deal. Then we broke up because I had developed a crush on another girl while I was away for a summer (nothing but feelings), and I told her I didn't think it was right to be dating her because of this.

It turned out that she had made out with one or two more people while I was away for the summer or something, and she had been lying to everyone that we had broken up right after I left. This summer is "period 1".

Anyhoo, we kept treating each other like we were in a relationship. Everyone thought we were still together. This is "period 2" .

She got another boyfriend out of the blue, some 23 year old guy ( I was 17, just turned 18) and moved in with him for a month or so. This upset me very much, because she was treating me like her boyfriend and telling me she loved me everyday and such. Then she broke up with him and asked to be with sad little me again. Naturally, I took her up on the offer.

When my friends found out we were dating again, they were very concerned about me and felt they needed to tell me about all the guys she had been sleeping with during "period 2", while she was leading me on. This upset me, and then yesterday i learned she had sex with a close friend and co-worker of mine during "period 1", which was just over a year ago while we were still dating.

That last bit is most painful, even though it's from so long ago.

Simplified Question:

What would you do if you found out that your girlfriend cheated on you by having sex with a friend of yours over a year ago (we had been dating for over a year at the time)?

[Edited on 9-2-0707 by thekingisdead]

thekingisdead
09-01-2007, 09:06 PM
for the record I am now very embarrassed for posting this.

[Edited on 9-2-0707 by thekingisdead]

Aqualad
09-01-2007, 09:16 PM
that's a really tough call if you're into the whole gf/bf scene. But ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone like her, and if not, just cut it off before anything else happens.

thugginit
09-01-2007, 09:30 PM
i actually was in a ridiculously similar situation at that age almost perfectly in line with every event that happened..my biggest regret about it was that i didn't just end it much earlier and stopped talking to her..of course it'll be hard now but in the long run you'll be much happier..trust me on this one

vertiginous
09-01-2007, 09:33 PM
fuck her, let her go.

pinocchio
09-01-2007, 10:01 PM
not worth it dude. if you guys are like 18, she's gonna keep doing it if you keep coming back. she doesn't care about you as much as you do her, as much as you don't want to hear that. she might think or say she does, but i'd get out while you're still 17.

piaptk
09-02-2007, 01:33 AM
I agree with everyone else. Been in a similar situation, and she ended up getting in a wreck with me riding, putting me into a coma, breaking both legs, internal injuries, 2 months of ICU, a year in a wheelchair, and never came to visit me in the hospital. But, to be fair.. I was still in love with her, when I was 18, evcen after all that. Looking back, I was a TOTAL idiot for caring at all.

I found out years later that she had got married, but her husband left her because she wouldn't stop going to porn auditions in LA.

Long story short, this girl is skeezy, has no respect for you, and is going to continue to do this stuff to you (or anyone). It's a non-changing character trait.

As far as you go, and I say this with all sympathy and with good intentions.... you should work on your own self image and self esteem. Staying with someone like this is one step above the nasty, trashy women on Jerry Springer whoi get in fights and say stuff like "He may have slept with you and your sister, but he LOVES me!!! Who's he going home with tonight??? He don't crew about YOU!"

You don't deserve to be treated that way.

Mutineer
09-02-2007, 04:02 AM
tl;dr but since you said it's a relationship question I'll just recommend you stick it in her pooper.

auxiliaryoctopus
09-02-2007, 05:05 AM
You shouldn't feel embarrassed for asking about this.

Everyone's right though, get out as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the harder it will be, and I'm guessing you don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone you resent.

Easier said than done, right? Just think of the fun of meeting and flirting with new girls. Better girls, who are nicer.

Stormx
09-02-2007, 05:07 AM
Love is a two way thing. She needs to respect your needs and emotions, which she isn't doing - she's trampling all over them.

I was in a kind of similar situation, and I regret not ending it sooner.

This girl doesn't deserve your time :)

Harnk
09-02-2007, 05:20 AM
Originally posted by thekingisdead
I apologize in advance for posting this. I really just want to put it all somewhere. probably no one will take the time to read it.


There is a simple question at the bottom if you care to say anything but would rather not read.


My girlfriend and I have had a long, strange, and, at many times painful relationship. Bear in mind, this girl is the only girl I've ever kissed, had sex with, etc. while she has gotten around before, during and after the relationship. We began dating at about 15 years old. We dated for over a year, during which I forgave her for kissing some guy, no big deal. Then we broke up because I had developed a crush on another girl while I was away for a summer (nothing but feelings), and I told her I didn't think it was right to be dating her because of this.

It turned out that she had made out with one or two more people while I was away for the summer or something, and she had been lying to everyone that we had broken up right after I left. This summer is "period 1".

Anyhoo, we kept treating each other like we were in a relationship. Everyone thought we were still together. This is "period 2" .

She got another boyfriend out of the blue, some 23 year old guy ( I was 17, just turned 18) and moved in with him for a month or so. This upset me very much, because she was treating me like her boyfriend and telling me she loved me everyday and such. Then she broke up with him and asked to be with sad little me again. Naturally, I took her up on the offer.

When my friends found out we were dating again, they were very concerned about me and felt they needed to tell me about all the guys she had been sleeping with during "period 2", while she was leading me on. This upset me, and then yesterday i learned she had sex with a close friend and co-worker of mine during "period 1", which was just over a year ago while we were still dating.

That last bit is most painful, even though it's from so long ago.

Simplified Question:

What would you do if you found out that your girlfriend cheated on you by having sex with a friend of yours over a year ago (we had been dating for over a year at the time)?

this is all very adorable
[Edited on 9-2-0707 by thekingisdead]

okinomiyaki-sensei
09-02-2007, 06:04 AM
It seems to be what everyone else is saying as well, but I just have to say that the best thing you could do right now is to just drop it.

You seem like a really nice guy, though a bit too honest. It's never a good idea to give up hope in others or stop looking for love, but I think it's definitely time to start thinking about what kind of girl is best for you... and learn from this so you know how to avoid situations like this in the future.

Figglyduff
09-02-2007, 07:33 AM
I agree with everyone else, she's got no respect for you and is making a fool out of you, she's probably got so used to you being there for her that she doesn't even stop to think about you, run while you can! ;)

tomatoesandradiowires
09-02-2007, 08:32 AM
If you don't leave her I will lose all respect for you and also I will punch you.

quixoticgoat
09-02-2007, 08:43 AM
Originally posted by Stormx
This girl doesn't deserve your time

tomatoesandradiowires
09-02-2007, 08:47 AM
Originally posted by tomatoesandradiowires
If you don't leave her I will lose all respect for you and also I will punch you.

GhostInTheMachine
09-02-2007, 08:48 AM
she sounds like a slutty ho and you should definitely get rid

once you have can i get her email address off you? ;)

mikehattem
09-02-2007, 07:50 PM
Originally posted by vertiginous
fuck her, let her go.

what they said

schroeder
09-02-2007, 08:12 PM
holy shit get out now, NOW!

greenglassyeux
09-03-2007, 12:56 AM
ditto. she's not worth it. her loss.

Shiny
09-03-2007, 02:43 AM
cut all ties, there's others out there to love. just remove yourself from the scene COMPLETELY. ie- don't try to contact her at all/don't let her contact you. not only will doing that keep her from manipulating you again, but it'll help you to get over it faster.

sidkidd
09-03-2007, 03:15 PM
Shiny has it right. Just quite talking to her. Because you are such a nice person she sees that she can sleep around and come back to you and walk over you. She is a bitch(or from the story), sure she can be nice sometime but it seems like it hurts. And if they hurt you and dont try to make it better leave them in the dirt and dont look back.
SO my friend walk away with your back to her and walk into the setting sun and RUN from her.

jkirkpleasant
09-03-2007, 03:15 PM
i disagree about a basic concept, you guys. this was his first experience with love. so i say to you, 'the king is dead', you will always love her. she was the first person you made love to and she will always, for the rest of your life, be special and wonderful to you. you have to let her go because her's is a spirit that doesn't like to be caged in any way, but recognize that you will always love her. it's okay to have a broken heart sometimes, because that's the only way to get in there and find out how the crazy thing ticks. the world is not over and you will go on and probably love again, but your love is true, brother. long live the king.

JoeJustJoe
09-04-2007, 02:46 AM
rub some dirt on it.

feeling_retro
09-04-2007, 05:21 PM
it has been said before:
run away, sir, you deserve a much much much much much better girl.